you stop in at my drive-through

Back in Lansdale for the remainder of the summer....



Content for the moment. Taking my time...one day at a time. I keep running into people from high school. I certainly hope I'm better than I was then. Rather than just older. I'm in a good place I think. People can tell you that you're goals are silly or that you're going to be in the same place for the rest of your life but I'm discovering that you don't have to believe them. When people tell you you're wonderful, just believe it. I think for some reason falling for someone makes every little detail matter, or rather not matter. Food tastes better, little squabbles become inconsquential, things just seem a little brighter. Yes, it feels different. But it's a good different. Even though I vacillate on a daily basis, I'm beginning to realize what I want. And need.

It's amazing how one thing can bring back everything from the past so clearly. No matter how past something you may think you are, it's impossible to not occasionally recall the pain that you felt for so long and to think it almost hurts more than it did a year ago. I used to have your face memorized...every last detail. I can't remember any of you anymore. And it's surprisingly bittersweet.

It's been a good week. Back to work tomorrow.

Reminiscing,
J

Wanna go??

The Lake Isle of Innisfree

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made;
Nine bean-rows will I have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee-loud glade.

And I shall have some peace there, for peace comes dropping slow,
Dropping from the veils of morning to where the cricket sings;
There midnight's all a glimmer, and noon a purple glow,
And evening full of the linnet's wings.

I will arise and go now, for always night and day
I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore;
While I stand on the roadway, or on the pavements grey,
I hear it in the deep heart's core.
- W.B. Yeats

my words jump off my pen and into your pages

Well I guess I'll update since it was requested :-).......

Let's face it. These days, it's easy do to a whole lot with a whole little...I'm very encouraged by people who have made this their mantra and have made it work for them. It is always good to be grateful. Things can always get worse. I'm proud of the people who just try. I'm trying. When you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror, you're not allowed to just see the problems. You must see the beauty too. And I'm not just talking about the way you look, although that's the first step (a step I still struggle with). This is difficult but with every day that passes it becomes easier and easier. There is beauty on the inside and the more you observe this the more you notice the outer beauty. Beauty is everywhere no matter how depressing and lonely some places may seem.

Reconnecting with the past...Ani was right. There's nothing like looking at your own history in the faces of your friends.

That red menace said it better than anyone. It is a very quiet thing. The beauty is easy. Class will be over soon! Then I get to stay in one place for a whole two months. Crazy.

Love,
Jenna

you fly alone now and you cry sometimes

Where do I begin? This last week has been a whirlwind...back and forth from Pennsylvania to Princeton to Pennsylvania and back again. I've just come back to Princeton today after a night in Lansdale, then it's back to Lansdale tomorrow night for work. Then travelling through the endless Pennsylvania farm country for five hours on Friday, hopefully arriving in Pittsburgh before midnight. I know this weekend is going to bring some stress and sadness, but it's just one more thing. With everything else going on, I think I can handle it. Then once again heading back to Princeton on Sunday in time to say bye-bye to Stearns before he goes off to Cape Cod forever and ever :( Can't I stay put for just a little while? Can't anyone stay put for little while? Maybe then I could learn to just be still.

Something's gotta give, sooner or later. Until then, it's me and my Ford Focus for a while. Indefinitely.

The constant traveller,
Yenna

and he waits till she can give

Very interesting weekend, I must say. Somehow I managed to work twenty-five hours and still get myself in some trouble. I don't know how I do it. I'd rather not discuss Thursday night...what happened? Not that I could really tell you, but suffice it to say that I have horrible word vomit (and regular old vomit as well) when I'm drunk. There is a complete disconnect between my brain and my mouth after a few rum and cokes and I have no control over what I say. Things that I would never think to tell anyone about in everyday life come spilling out without warning. I'm still biding my time over this thing and maybe I just need to make a decision. Shit or get off the pot, as they say. Saturday = awesome. Made $170 and introduced my best friend in the whole world to the Lansdale bar scene. Needless to say, she's hooked.

Going to bars on the weekends with my friends is not pointless, Argument #1: Shawn offered me a job filling in for him for karaoke and DJing...$100 - $200 a night. And private parties. Not bad at all. But the question is, do I have the kind of time to dedicate to another commitment? Work and school already keeps me busy and if I'm going to do it I want to do it well. I think it would be fun and it's closer to what I want to do eventually, right? So why not? Time for a pro/con list. That's the only way to make decisions in life.

New laptop = LOVE. Thank you :)

HAPPY 21ST CHRIS!!

- Jenna