Went to the city on Monday for the senior showcase...of course it was scary. What isn't scary these days? Everything I see and do reminds me of my impending future and the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. And I have to know. Soon. In a year. I took a wrong turn walking back to the train station and didn't know where the hell I was for about fifteen minutes. And I realized that I really have no idea where I'm going...in New York or in life. What if I've been making wrong turns my entire life? What if I turn around and I'm 30 years old and still working at Applebee's? What if I never find someone who I can spend my life with and all I have are cats to keep me company? Last night there was a stray cat wandering around outside my front door when I got home. Coincidence? I think not. They're already flocking to me.
Sometimes you laugh when I cry and you say "what" when I'm making perfect sense. When I make an effort to let you in to my head you just don't get it. And I don't blame you. But that's not how it should be. I don't know how it's supposed to be but I do know how it's not supposed to be. I've learned that by now.
Back to Applebee's tonight. If I don't make it out alive...love you all.
At your service,
Jenna
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