Thursday, May 17, 2007

those are cliffs of rock ahead if i'm not mistaken

Went to the city on Monday for the senior showcase...of course it was scary. What isn't scary these days? Everything I see and do reminds me of my impending future and the fact that I have no clue what I'm doing with my life. And I have to know. Soon. In a year. I took a wrong turn walking back to the train station and didn't know where the hell I was for about fifteen minutes. And I realized that I really have no idea where I'm going...in New York or in life. What if I've been making wrong turns my entire life? What if I turn around and I'm 30 years old and still working at Applebee's? What if I never find someone who I can spend my life with and all I have are cats to keep me company? Last night there was a stray cat wandering around outside my front door when I got home. Coincidence? I think not. They're already flocking to me.

Sometimes you laugh when I cry and you say "what" when I'm making perfect sense. When I make an effort to let you in to my head you just don't get it. And I don't blame you. But that's not how it should be. I don't know how it's supposed to be but I do know how it's not supposed to be. I've learned that by now.

Back to Applebee's tonight. If I don't make it out alive...love you all.

At your service,
Jenna

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