Epiphanies. I need a vacation. But I hate vacations because I never know what to do with my time. Classes are over, so that's nearly a vacation in itself. And I'm almost officially a senior in college which is decidedly one of the scariest things I've ever had to think about.
I've made some bad decisions in my life so far, mostly in the last three years. I've done things that I'm not necessarily proud of...things I wouldn't go shouting from the rooftops with wild abandon. But that doesn't mean I regret them and it doesn't mean I'd ever go back and un-do them. Whatever decision was made seemed perfect at the time and if I hadn't made that decision how would I be different right now? Even if I never get the closure that I'm searching for, I don't think it really matters. There's this stream that runs up in the Rockies, and it empties into a bigger stream and then to a river but never to the ocean...and I was thinking about this whole concept of closure and being "whole" again and I realized that maybe you don't have to make it to the ocean to be whole again. Maybe you'll never be quite what you were before and that's ok I think.
It's been quite a year...I can't even begin to put it into words. I think the big lesson in this whole year has been that there just isn't a resolve for many things. Life isn't about, "well if I just get over this peak, it's over." There are about 5,000 more peaks in the distance...and while that's scary, it's also pretty damn exciting.
Finally out of the woods,
Yenna Dough Tuna Tomsko :-)
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